Journalists Caution Against Blaming Empire For Blowing Up Alderaan

CORUSCANT—Journalists at Coruscant News Network, Mustafar Satellite News Broad Casting, and the Core-planets Broadcasting System have cautioned people against blaming the Empire for blowing up Alderaan.

“Some innocent people were caught in the crossfire of reckless escalation,” wrote one MSNBC journalist. “It’s tragic that it had to come to his — it all could have been avoided if it weren’t for that darn Princess Leia escalating tensions with the Empire.”

Many mainstream media sites refused to blame the Empire for blowing up the planet, reporting that “Alderaan just tragically exploded.” “Stuff like this happens,” said CBS reporter M’iika C’rett’afa on a holographic broadcast, shrugging. “Honestly, when their communications were cut off, they should have known there was about to be an invasion, since that’s the only thing that communications getting cut off could mean. It’s kinda their fault. What can you do, you know?”

Journalists defended their approach by saying that they didn’t want to upset the Empire, or it might kinda be their fault if a planet like Dantooine or a moon like Yavin IV were to be exploded next.

Darth Vader downplayed the attack, shrugging and saying “Some space station did something” before Force-choking the journalist who asked the question.


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