How Jesus the Christ Got His Gig, and Dead!

One day in Valhalla, Odin told Thor, son, got a gig for you.

Thor said, in Scandinavia?

Those blond haired babes are something else on a cold night!

Odin shook his head lovingly, yet sadly!

i see that crack you got your ass in with Cleopatra did not teach you a damn thing!

Thor got a pained look on his face, i don’t have to go back to Rome do i?
Those sons of bitches murdered my ass if you remember , for trying to save them from their own evil and corruption.
To hell with the Romans!

i’d like a crack at their ass!

Odin said, thats what i want to talk to you about.

Theres this little small tiny Kingdom out in the middle east, the Romans occupy it, and the Hebrews are praying for someone to deliver them from the Romans.

Now they are praying to some imaginary demon war god which don’t exist, but i knew you were holding a grudge against the Romans, so i thought i’d give you first chance.

Thor said, hell yes!

Wheres my Army?

Well, the Romas have stripped the countryside of any abled body men, the corruption means the upper classes, the prodigy of the warriors who built Rome, no longer want to serve, they pay others to fight Rome’s wars, conquered people, new immagrants and all.
So you will just have to see what you can stir up from the locals who have been praying for deliverance.

i am born in a rich family, so i can hire an army?

No, i have arranged for you to be born in the Nobility, but the country cousins, without a lot of power or money.
You will just have to see if the people praying for deliverance will fight, and pay for more men.

Thor said damn, if if did not want a shot at those Romans, i’d say send me to Ireland, they got these red heads over there, sharp tongues, but when they in the mood, damn!

Odin shook his head.
Thor, you know every time you start dallying with the earth girls, you lose track of why the hell i sent your ass down There!

Now heres the deal, you go do this for me, win lose or draw, they asked for a savior, you go give them a chance to save themselves.
They are sheep, they must have a sheep herder.
But i expect them, when you tell them the truth, to hear the truth, and act on the truth, or you or not responsible for their down fall.

i know this is a bare bones gig, in a tiny place, but do this one for me, and i will send you back to Denmark next, let you have some R & R, with the gals, maybe a couple of lives of just farming, raising goats and kids, with a minimum of raiding the outlanders.

Cause after those R & R Lives, the Romans will have gotten a fake religion together, and be trying to shove it up our peoples asses, and i will need you to lead raids on This thing they will call, Roman Catholic Christian Monasteries, with which the Babylonian frost outlanders will try to cast a evil spell on the minds of our young.

So Thor dutifully was born in the middle east, tried to tell the Hebrews the truth, get them to get off their asses, save themselves from the Romans as they prayed they wanted.

But he also told them to feed the poor, take care of the widow, stop buggering the orphan, and quite using Usury, to steal everything from everyone.

So the executed his ass!

And the Romans were happy, and the Hebrews were happy, and Thor added another bunch of ball-less cocksuckers could kiss his ass, next time they wanted a savior to his list!

It took a thousand years, but Roman Christianity, caught up with the Viking people, made them afraid of the Demon god, who would BBQ them like a goat, over slow coals, if the were not good slaves, and allow the Roman Catholic Priest to bugger their children.

While back, when Thor was back in Valhalla, between assignments, Odin said, son, got a gig!

Thor said, i don’t really want to go back down there, those sheep are arrogant, ignorant, ball-less ungrateful ass wipes!!!!

Odin said, well yes they are, but when a people call for a savior, the rules say one must be sent.

Thor said, why not send Loki?

Odin snorted, As a savior, damn Thor, there goes that big lizard humor again!

Well you see, these people in America, been asking for a savior.

America, fuck them!

The damn sheep stood by and let the United States murder me Last time, and the Damn time before if you remember!!!

Odin said, yes i know, but they are sheep, perhaps someday they will become human, but that is several lives away for most of them.

In the mean time, the rules are the rules, and i wish you would handle it, it is going to be a messy one.
i will need my best Ulfheonar there son.

Ok, but only because you ask me to.

Odin said, i will let you have a couple of lives farming, raising goats, and kids before i ask you to suit up again.

Thor said, i’ll take the farming, and the Goats, but instead of messing round with them earth girls, raising a bunch of crumb crunchers, how about i just have a couple of dogs and go fishing instead!

As Thor walked away, to pack for his next assignment, Odin beamed proudly, boy is growing up, and growing wise.
Perhaps i will retire, and play with those grandkids he and Cleopatra going to have.

I will save her being here as a welcome home after this gig.

He is going to need a pick me up after this gig with these ball-less wonders!

Grandpa!

i like the sound off that!

John C Carleton

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

The maximum upload file size: 256 MB. You can upload: image, audio, video, document, spreadsheet, interactive, text, archive, code, other. Links to YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and other services inserted in the comment text will be automatically embedded.